This is the sixth type of trauma that I have been through and it started in year 1. It came in the form of verbal, physical and emotional abuse. Verbal abuse is as detrimental as physical abuse. Through my experience, I really can verify that. I have been bullied all throughout primary school, especially in year 1, year 4, year 5 and year 6, when I was in primary. I pretty much skipped year 3 in the past.
The persistent humiliation, isolation and rejection were so great, that most of my traumatised state right now, is contributed to the trauma of chronic bullying. I have always been the target of school bullies, assuming that I was too quiet. For instance, I was being pushed against my stomach by a row of desks, squeezing to the point that I thought I was about to die. I have got my pencil case and belongings stolen, while I was away from the classroom. I also was bribed for joining in for a basketball game by a group of girls, for buying food and drinks to them in order to play. I always ate alone and played alone and was very quiet and isolated at school like an invisible being.
Despite during the entire time I had changed schools for five times as a primary school student, I was still being bullied, for example, I was being pushed against the wall in the bathroom and was crying and the rest of the things that happened during that time, I pretty much couldn’t remember everything. I was insulted as a “quiet little bird”, with mean words shouting at least several meters away, being ostracised by two female classmates and I was being moody in and out of classroom, due to the constant bullying. I was being mocked and flipped of my hood, backstabbed by classmates to the teacher, losing my impression with her, being stolen of my text books, which has led me to having extreme panic attacks everyday. I again, did everything alone at school. It was a very painful experience and I can say that when it comes to humiliation, I have tasted every bit of it and know exactly how it feels.
Furthermore, later in the years, no one wanted to be my friend. I was being mocked of my physical appearance, being stolen of my pen and despite crying out loud in the classroom, everyone ignored me. I was being humiliated on a daily basis passively, being name called “fugly” by a male classmate, because he told me that using the word “ugly” was not enough. He also insulted me of unattractive clothing. I was also name called a “fat pig” and she even drew a picture of a pig to mock me. I was being gossiped of being deaf to everyone, being pulled off from my chair to the floor and was left in pain. I also has received a verbally abusive phone call from a classmate at the time I just had my surgery and was hospitalised. I was being stolen of my mobile phone, being told to “go to hell”, being mocked of my face, which eventually I always sat alone in classrooms, ate alone and played alone. I was being humiliated all the time and only God knew how excruciating it was, for me to have gone through the trauma of bullying. It didn’t just stopped here, for it continued when I was in high school as well.