The sexual perpetrators who targeted me for abuse, occurred twice when I was thirteen and once in twenty. I was being sexually abused into child pornography, when I was aged thirteen, by a friend of a friend, who was an adult during that time. I was being exposed to the abuser’s genital in front of me also. I was told to get into sexual poses and nudity, to take photos of myself, in which I will not go into details about it. The other one when I was also thirteen, I was being groomed by a sexual perpetrator for quite a long time. He would contact me on a regular basis and he was very interested in my personal life. Not going into details… The third one, when I was twenty, it started when I met a man on the street. Briefly, of what it happened, he started a conversation with me initially and started rubbing my skin for a very long time, as though it lasted forever, then he was kissing me, flirting with me inappropriately and fondled me sexually around my shoulder, hair and chest area. He asked me for contact relentlessly and I foolishly gave in. So, he was the third perpetrator who targeted me for abuse. I am not going into all of the details, but this is already depicting the picture.
In conclusion, in my traumatised state right now, I have difficulty forming relationships and even being in the presence of men, because they are the triggers to all of these traumatic memories. Being diagnosed with Complex Trauma, this is just the second type of prolonged trauma out of the six types that I have been through. It means that throughout the day, I am either traumatised by one type of trauma or the other continuously. It is a very awful feeling, as though all of the trauma that I have ever suffered, combined altogether at once at the same time and multiply that by a thousand times more. The pain within me becomes physical, and it is so unbearable that I would be dead by nightfall.