But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. – 1 Corinthians 2:9 

Healing and recovery from my complex trauma is absolutely not an easy thing for me, because there is an inner struggle as I am doing this. I have prayed to God and said how there are conflicting parts within me, there is a part that wants healing from this excruciating pain of living in such a traumatised state, and there is another part that resists healing, because healing to her feels like she is dying literally. She does not know what it means exactly when she is healed, to get into a place that is completely new. What she knows right now is that she is just so scared and confused, she does not want to get healed, because it is very painful during the healing process, for pain has become our comfort zone. She is just so frightened that she has no sense of identity and belonging anymore, she is so afraid of what pain has defined all throughout her life, what humiliation and hurt has grown up with her all the time, to be honest, she somehow misses it. She got used to feeling pain all the time, that clinging to it feels comfortable and what is opposite of pain, which is joy, peace, healing, being loved and to have worth and hope again, is something that she cannot endure. It reminds me about the developmental trauma that we had, that our development has been disrupted.

Today, this topic about looking up to eternity, I believe, is a very important topic. This life that we have got is as a vapour of smoke. The pleasures of this world is fleeting and as the scripture has said that we, as the flowers on the field, fade away, but then the rest of the world continues. As I have been traumatised so much that I was thinking of how much pain, suffering, trauma and hurt that I have gone through. When I think about the comparison between an eternity ahead and this short and temporal life that we have got, it is just compared to nothing. There is nothing that can be measured with eternity, even if we have our years up to a hundred years maximum. The scripture said that in the beginning, God made man in His own image, that means that our spirits are eternal, just as God is an eternal spirit.

I was looking back at the pain and trauma that have repetitively happened to me in the past, then Jesus Himself has revealed to me about looking forward to a bright future ahead that is in Him. There is a peace that surpasses all understanding by my experience, when knowing that I can get a good night sleep, when I am completely reconciled with God and there are no sins that would hinder my way to Him. It is that peace through complete reconciliation with God, that even in the midst of great personal tribulation and trials, that I am able to still carry that peace in my mind, that peace that I cannot obtain from the world, but only through Christ, knowing that when I am saved in Him through the cross of His salvation. Even in the midst of being abused and recurrent trauma again in the future, with this peace, it is a peace that no one can steal away from me, of a peace knowing of my place and my eternity in Christ with Him in heaven when I die. This is not only for me to experience, but this peace can also be personalised for you in your life as well!

Jesus has often reminded me about heaven and what lies ahead for an eternity. He has a place that is prepared for both you and me, for those children who loves Him with all their hearts, minds, souls and strength. Jesus wants the first place in our lives, because He loves completely and how He has given His all for us on the cross, that is how we are ought to, as a reasonable service, to Him of our whole heart, without compromising and in complete obedience, because those who love Jesus more than anything else in this world will see the kingdom of heaven. It is a place, not as many were being deluded of, like clouds in the sky and dead people sitting on the bench, with angels playing harps twenty-four seven. There is a life in heaven and it is a life so much more than the life that we have here on this fallen earth.

I have been having a lot of inner struggle, because I was thinking about heaven and how I have found conflict within myself. To those who have been through complex trauma like me, I would want to say that despite how bright the future is to me, how heaven will be a place without sorrows, pain, suffering, trauma and hurt, but only a life that is satisfying, filled with joy unspeakable and being flooded by the powerful force of the love of God upon each and every one of His children, for an eternity, of endless adventures and explorations, of beautiful gardens and mansions, landscapes and recreational activities, of all kinds of food,  vacations and pets, running and dancing in praise of God the Father in heaven in the glorified body, and how the new incorruptible body will know no pain and do things that the earthly body cannot do. There are truly things in heaven that have never even came across my mind and it is truly amazing.

To those who are also the survivors of abuse and trauma, there is an eternal hope waiting for you, because despite all the pain and suffering that we have in this life, cannot be compared to the length of eternity in His glory, enjoying The Lord Jesus in great delight for the rest of eternity, of a time that is never ending. To those who have been hurt repetitively and are incredibly traumatised, I want to assure you that when you have Christ in your life as your all in all, having a personal relationship with Him, truly knowing Him in this life and being completely surrendered to His perfect will and plan for your life, there is an eternity ahead of you that you can look forward to, for there is a bright future in Jesus of those who have put their trust in Him as their sole saviour. There is just so much more than this earthly life that we have right now, so it is my hope that this is a comfort for you, knowing that despite all the pain and trauma that you have suffered in this life, like me, who have been a survivor of abuse, realising that one day very soon that all of these pain and sufferings and trauma will end and our traumatic memories will be wiped away.