This poetry was written back in July, 2017. I wrote this during the time when I was only hanging by a thread. I was hanging on between life and death, for it was as black and white as it is. I was at the bottom, lifeless as I wrote this to the Lord Jesus. Then, through the writing, I have realised something, I have been made aware that without the abuse and trauma that I have been through in this life, I would have possibly be lost without Him, my one and only Saviour.
For whatever that I have been through, despite from time to time, I have been risking myself in and out of the hospital, with life-threatening condition of my acute suicidal depression and have been traumatised from a little child until now, and right now suffering from complex trauma, I have come to know Christ through the sufferings that I have in this life. There is nothing better than to have Christ as my saviour, because in Him there is everything and without Him, there is nothing, for I can do nothing without Him. In Him, there are good things in this world, but without Him, and to be separated from Him in hell for an eternity than in heaven, to be without the presence of God would be every inch of suffering, hopelessness, torment and endless sorrows. Then, there came a joy, for there was no greater joy than to realise that through believing in Jesus as my saviour, who died on the cross for the forgiveness of my sins, that I am saved. There is no greater peace, a peace that surpasses all understanding, than to know that I am right with God, through repenting of all my wrongdoings, of the sins that I have committed in the past.
I have hit the lowest of the low,
For I have lost everything,
I have even grown to hate life,
And have lost myself completely,
But instead I have found You.
The most silent of time where we meet,
Is when the distractions are removed,
There is only You left, oh Lord Jesus,
Only You day and night of whom I seek,
For I am so caught up with Your love,
Over the shallow things of this world,
Because You have given me new eyes.
When no one wanted me,
You still have remembered me,
When I was friendless and all alone,
Trampled down by the foot of man,
Completely forgotten by everyone,
Yet You have not forsaken me.
I never thought that anyone would love me,
But You love me unconditionally,
Even to the point of death,
Who am I to You really?
I can never be able to fathom,
Even up to this very day.
I have been thoroughly tested and tried,
Even in the darkest of times I praise You,
And in my weakest state I praise You,
When I have got nothing left I praise You,
I even cried with much tears of repentance.
All I can see is You and You alone,
I panic when You are out of the picture,
Like a two-year-old child with her Father,
It seemed like my loss was for a reason,
So that it can pave a way straight to You.