This is a record of both me and my therapist had while in therapy room.
Therapist: “Good afternoon, Alice. How are you today?”
Me: “Good afternoon. I have been having flashbacks and nightmares every single day. It feels like I am reliving the same pain all over again, as though it just happened today.”
Therapist: “Can you share with me of what has happened to you?”
Me: I then shared with her about my early childhood trauma that began at the age of four (can be read in another post under trauma and abuse section to cut things short right here)
Therapist: “That is extreme abuse, Alice. Even an animal would not be treated this way, let alone a little girl. This is just non-animal treatment, because you would not even have treated an animal this way. Did your parents know about this, when you were mistreated by this babysitter?”
Me: “No, my parents did not know, because I have been really quiet and withdrawn. Initially, I was not like that, I had an outgoing and playful personality. I also do wonder the reason why I had trauma after trauma even beyond early childhood, but even all throughout later childhood, then all throughout adolescence and even up until now during adulthood, whether because I was already traumatised, so I was more prone to being traumatised again, knowing that I was a weak and defenceless target?”
Therapist: “I am just so amazed that you are still alive today. Can you believe that? Can you tell me what year and date today is?”
Me: Pausing for a moment and I said “2018?”
Therapist: “You are correct. So, what date is it today, Alice?”
Me: “We are right now in January, 2018?”
Therapist: “Yes, that is right.” giving me a smile.
Me: “I could not believe it either, because I know that I could have went into the path of suicide times and times again, because I have been fragmented over and over again by the trauma.
Therapist: “Do you realise of that strength in you, Alice?”
Me: “No, not before you have told me this, as an outside observer.”