Dearest Jesus, thank You for reminding me that feeling that I am not good enough, is when You have died for me on the cross, that I rely on Your works. I am currently full-time disabled, due to flashbacks of complex trauma, I have not been able to continue my masters degree and only have finished my bachelor. On my same level of years, these students that I have met are already working and I am still as though on my wheelchair, not being able to do anything, being functional in this world. It is embarrassing to even say that I am an adult now, but has to live in the same house as my parents, due to my disability at the age of 26. I once told my psychiatrist that I am chronically homeless.
Many times I feel hopeless in my complex trauma, but that is when I seek You through the pain, Lord Jesus. I have been to the lowest edge of my life, having survived three suicide attempts in 2019 July. That emptiness none can understand, except if they have walked through my life. I am thankful that I am alive, for I have learnt to cherish my life, despite of all the darkness, the hopelessness and pain, for it is the only way I can find You, is through the pain that no one knows, but You and me.