Currently, I do not have as much suicidality than in the past. I come to cherish my life, my existence. In the past, I had feelings of worthlessness, but now, sometimes I do struggle with feelings of hopelessness. I have been struggling with intense suicidality ever since 2017. It was very difficult and Jesus knows my every storm, which is my every suicidal day, for I had it on a daily basis. Despite it is complex trauma, nothing too physical other than heart pain, but psychologically, the pain is the same real and intensive.
I have no friends and all people had distanced themselves from me my entire life. I always felt eternally forsaken, going through traumas that had also fragmented my identities. I was fragmented of my identity since the age of 15. No one would want to go through what I have went through, especially since July 2019 to July 2021. I had the greatest trials and pain like no other that God knows. I have learnt to come to Jesus, when no one is in my life, I have all my time spent in Him.