Survival | Complex Trauma

#7 Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Survival

admin — Thu, 05 Aug 2021 06:08:52 +0000

Dearest Jesus, I have learnt to sing Your praises, despite I have been feeling suicidal for years. The pain in 2016 was already very great, the pain was more extreme in 2017 and it only got worse in 2018, 2019 and in 2020 it was a different level of pain and so as 2021 beyond extreme. Father, You know the pain that I have gone through.

I praise You Father for all the storms, trials and tribulations, for it is when it draws me closer to You during those years. I praise You Father for all the pain, which had drawn me ever closer to You. In the pain, I have learnt to sing to You, rejoice in You and rely in You, in my weaknesses, failures and disappointments, I then see You wide and clear.

#6 Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Survival

admin — Thu, 05 Aug 2021 05:13:34 +0000

I could not speak much, because of my silent heart pain. I have been self-harming by cutting my wrists and thighs, but I have resisted it by throwing away all the sharps and since January, 2021 I had stopped doing it. I now am rather pulling out my head hair, eyebrows and eyelashes, but I am trying to resist it. Dearest Jesus, please help me to stay away from self-harming myself.

I am currently relying on medication, to stay less suicidal. I am on 10mg Escitalopram, 10mg Olanzapine and 0.5mg Lorazepam. Father, please help me not to feel suicidal. I have been diagnosed with major depression since 2017. Thank you Father for telling me that You will heal me at the time of my transformation. I continue in my hope.

#5 Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Survival

admin — Thu, 05 Aug 2021 04:59:42 +0000

I have been suicidal since 2017 and it lasted for 5 years and more until now. Each suicidal day was extremely hard to go through. I have always been so alone in my pain, but I am thankful Lord Jesus that You collect my tears, letting me know that someone had cared. You have been with me throughout my life.

The traumas had made me felt worthless, but thank you Father that you have sent an online friend to me, how precious is she, who comforted me when I was in need. She had been helping me a lot in my deep pain. I have met her since 2016, so it had been 6 years that we have met each other. I have no friends locally, and she is sustaining me.

#4 Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Survival

admin — Thu, 05 Aug 2021 04:50:05 +0000

Dearest Jesus, thank you for today, for I cherish my life. Please remove my suicidal thoughts and be happy again. I remember I had a psychotic suicide attempt on January 3, 2021 and another on the 6th. My mind was very confused and I was under psychosis. I also had overdosed myself on May 15. Please clear my mind from confusion, Father.

I am a nobody in this world. I have always been traumatized by others, but Father, You told me that You have chosen me and I am thankful and honoured to accept your invitation. I could not write too much, due to my disability. Father, please help me to remove myself from self-harm that I do so frequently.

#3 Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Survival

admin — Mon, 26 Jul 2021 10:42:42 +0000

Currently, I do not have as much suicidality than in the past. I come to cherish my life, my existence. In the past, I had feelings of worthlessness, but now, sometimes I do struggle with feelings of hopelessness. I have been struggling with intense suicidality ever since 2017. It was very difficult and Jesus knows my every storm, which is my every suicidal day, for I had it on a daily basis. Despite it is complex trauma, nothing too physical other than heart pain, but psychologically, the pain is the same real and intensive.

I have no friends and all people had distanced themselves from me my entire life. I always felt eternally forsaken, going through traumas that had also fragmented my identities. I was fragmented of my identity since the age of 15. No one would want to go through what I have went through, especially since July 2019 to July 2021. I had the greatest trials and pain like no other that God knows. I have learnt to come to Jesus, when no one is in my life, I have all my time spent in Him.

#2 Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Survival

admin — Mon, 26 Jul 2021 10:25:05 +0000

Dearest Jesus, I am very thankful that I have survived my suicide attempts back in 2019. I have not only survived this, but survived my trauma history also. I have once been commented by a psychiatric nurse that he had never seen anyone as traumatized as me, in his entire 15 years of career. That was the first time I had my suicidal ideations of drowning back in 2017. I have been self-harming by the cutting of wrists and thighs, and also the pulling out of head hair, but please Lord help me to stay away from self-harming myself.

Thank you for promising that You will wipe away my tears very soon, and knowing that You know my every tear that I ever had. You know my every traumatized position, when I was in that position, I was in very deep pain. I was not speaking and I was looking down completely without seeing their faces, when the crisis assessment and treatment team came to my home.