Trauma History | Complex Trauma

#13 Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Trauma History

admin — Sat, 31 Jul 2021 09:41:00 +0000

Dearest Jesus, thank You for reminding me that feeling that I am not good enough, is when You have died for me on the cross, that I rely on Your works. I am currently full-time disabled, due to flashbacks of complex trauma, I have not been able to continue my masters degree and only have finished my bachelor. On my same level of years, these students that I have met are already working and I am still as though on my wheelchair, not being able to do anything, being functional in this world. It is embarrassing to even say that I am an adult now, but has to live in the same house as my parents, due to my disability at the age of 26. I once told my psychiatrist that I am chronically homeless.

Many times I feel hopeless in my complex trauma, but that is when I seek You through the pain, Lord Jesus. I have been to the lowest edge of my life, having survived three suicide attempts in 2019 July. That emptiness none can understand, except if they have walked through my life. I am thankful that I am alive, for I have learnt to cherish my life, despite of all the darkness, the hopelessness and pain, for it is the only way I can find You, is through the pain that no one knows, but You and me.

#12 Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Trauma History

admin — Tue, 27 Jul 2021 12:21:09 +0000

Dearest Jesus, I am some of the very least on this earth, there was a time I told my psychiatrist that I am single, have no friends and is chronically homeless. No one knows me, no one acknowledge my name in my life and I am also completely disabled, being full-time disabled by complex traumas.

Thank you for seeing a purpose in me, despite I have no stage or spotlight in this world, but are considered of value and worth in Your kingdom. It had been my entire life, that I have always been bullied and mocked upon at. I am even unemployed and need to rely on my parents as an adult. However, thank you for the trials, so that it draws me closer to You!

#11 Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Trauma History

admin — Tue, 27 Jul 2021 12:05:45 +0000

Dearest Jesus, the time when I gave my heart fully to You in December 2012, I was already very traumatized, but You have used my pain to grow my love for You. I then recommitted myself to You in July 2021, after I was traumatized again since July 2019, throughout 2020 and until now. I am twenty-six years old, but Lord, you still see a purpose in me despite of my youth.

There was too much trauma for Jessica, that I had identity fragmentation, therefore Alice, Poppy and Engel came in to hold the extra loads of traumas. I wonder whether the second round of massive testing from July 2019 to July 2021, was to test that I can do nothing on my own, but all power and strength comes from You. It had been very humbling.

#10 Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Trauma History

admin — Tue, 27 Jul 2021 11:55:00 +0000

Dearest Jesus, You give me security, safety and joy. I find joy in You, despite of my trauma history. My trauma history seems to fade away, the more I seek Your presence, the joy of Your presence. I seek You daily and You know my heart. Wash me in Your word and purify my heart, in reflection of Your love.

Please give me the strength to go through my day, as I rely on You. I am thankful that I have silenced all world’s noises, ever since childhood until now, so that all I hear and seek is You, oh Lord Jesus. You are first in my heart and You know me. You have wonderfully made me in my mother’s womb.

#9 Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Trauma History

admin — Tue, 27 Jul 2021 11:46:04 +0000

Dearest Jesus, I ask for a heart of pure gold. I remember I have lost everything since I have started to follow You and surrender my complete will to You in 2012 December, then the second time I have lost everything in my life was in November 27-28, 2020 and third time was December 9-10, 2020. I always have You in mind, despite outwardly I was confused.

I fell in love with You amid my circumstance of having lost everything thrice to the point that I go numb, very numb. Thank you for all the trials, for whether I went away or seeking You, right now I am with You on the same side and only ask for the strength to continue this surrender to You oh Jesus.

#8 Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Trauma History

admin — Tue, 27 Jul 2021 11:21:11 +0000

Dearest Jesus, You know my every time in my most traumatized position, You count my every tear, and You said that You will never forsake me. You know my every storm and trial since July 2019, throughout 2020 and until July 2021 and accumulate that to a greater surrender of July 2021.

Who is like You oh Lord Jesus? You know me so intimately, more than I know myself. You are with me, despite I cannot see You yet, I believe You, for You said walking by faith and not by sight pleases You. Despite I have not words, dreams and visions on my own, but rely on others, though I cherish the trials You allow to refine me. I complain not.