Complex Trauma

My Journey to Recovery

Dissociative Identities

Part of the symptom that I have with Complex Trauma is dissociative identities. Dissociative identities are created as a way to dissociate from the overwhelming trauma that are beyond one’s control to cope. As the same individual, I come in different names, ages, gender and personalities. They all have their own roles in helping us to live a normal life again, in what we call parts or alters.

The human mind is truly amazing, in dissociating by itself to survive. There are those who have multiple parts with amnesic barriers between switching alters and there are those who do not have it, but are co-conscious with the other alter at the same time. In my case, I rarely lose track of time, however, there were stages of my life in which I had complete memory lost of past trauma, for several years at once. My mind was in constant rejection mode, pushing all of the traumatic memories deep down into the psyche and overtime, I had complete amnesia as a result, because I could not process it.

There are thirteen of us, including the core, host, co-hosts, persecutor, protectors and little ones. The core, named Jessica, which is our original birth identity, has died at the age of fifteen by the poly-fragmentation of trauma. So, we came to replace her, who no longer exists, to continue our journey. Then, right now, I am the host, Alice. Co-hosts are Jacqui and Poppy. Persecutor is Louise. Protectors include Doll, Amber, Anne, Lennon and Skylar. Little ones are Vissenta, Piece of Shit and Jasmine.

There will be posts being featured in the homepage for more details about us. This page is an introduction about the different parts of me with distinctive identities.