I have been risking myself in and out of the hospital, often in crisis and in life-threatening condition, for being acutely suicidal. Many times, I have escaped hospitalisation, because I know how the system works. I would avoid calling to Lifeline and tell them that I am in immediate risk of danger to self. I was caught up with two police officers rushed into my home in the middle of the night at 4am, after a conversation with Lifeline about my acute suicidal tendencies, to the extent that I was able to kill myself at any moment. Another way that I avoid being re-hospitalised again is, when I see my GP or any medical professionals, I am careful in adding in the word “suicidal” within the conversation.

So, here is what happened the last time I was hospitalised. Back in February, 2017, I had a suicide plan. I have lost my complete will to live and wished myself every millisecond to never have existed. During the same time, I also was self-harming a lot and somehow, my mother has found out the scars on my wrist and brought me to the GP. When I was in the appointment with my GP, not knowing how the system works, I plainly told my doctor that I was having a suicide plan. She, then immediately phoned up The Alfred Hospital, the hospital that I was eventually hospitalised in and the time when I was back home, the CATT team came. CATT stands for Crisis Assessment Treatment Team.

There were two psychiatric nurses who came to my home, asked me a lot of questions to assess my mental health status and have decided to involuntarily hospitalise me. However, on that day, the hospital ward was in full capacity and it was delayed of my admission. The next day, another two psychiatric nurses came over my place again and asked me a series of questions like the day before. I was completely resistant to the idea of hospitalisation. I then, found out that I had no rights at all, because it is bound by law that patients like me must be hospitalised.

I was so shocked, for I did not know how to respond. I was eventually restrained by another two police officers who came over to my home, along with two paramedics. I was led away by the emergency ambulance to the hospital that day and was locked away from the world completely. During the time of the stay, there were a lot of stuff that happened, which I will further expand this in the posts that will be displayed at the front page of the website. I stayed there for around a month’s time, however, I could have stayed there so much more longer, but I made my way to escape earlier.