Complex Trauma

My Journey to Recovery

My Psychiatric Diagnosis

I have been diagnosed with Complex Trauma (C-PTSD) and recurrent exacerbation of Major Depressive Episode on a background of chronic dysthymia, by my psychiatrists. In the past, I have been misdiagnosed with Psychosis, because it is really easy to confuse the overlapping symptoms of dissociative identities and psychosis, when both disorders can hear voices inside the head.

I have been told by my psychiatrist that being diagnosed with Complex Trauma, is like an all-in-one or one-size fits all kind of condition, because instead of being diagnosed by separate psychiatric disorders, the symptoms of Complex Trauma is so comprehensive that disorders such as dissociative identities, borderline personality, depersonalisation-derealisation, somatisation, paranoia, hyper-vilgilence, amnesia and anxiety-related disorders are part of this umbrella term.

The core symptoms of Major Depression or Clinical Depression is anhedonia and suicidality. I am suffering from this condition on a day-to-day basis. Anhedonia means that there is an inability to feel joy, despite participating in any pleasurable activities. There is also a persistent feeling of worthlessness, hopelessness and suicidal tendencies, despite how bright my future will be. I also struggle with constant flashbacks and nightmares, that would leave me even more traumatised.

I also have been diagnosed with Trichotillomania. It is a chronic disorder, where I would pull out my head hair, eyebrows and eyelashes in a trance-like state. Sometimes, it could last for several minutes up to an hour and my longest duration of hair pulling lasted up to six hours straight. I have to rely on wearing a wig to cover up the hair patches. The moment I pull them out, it was a thrill-seeking relief for me, but as soon as I lose the strands of hair, there is a guilt-ridden feeling that I cannot get rid of.