borderline pd | Complex Trauma

#7 Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Hospitalization

admin — Thu, 05 Aug 2021 06:54:37 +0000

Dearest Jesus, please help me not to be hospitalized again, because being hospitalized is not pleasurable at all. Despite of all the hospitalizations and suicidality, Father, I still come to You through all these pain, knowing that You are my true healer, who knows me better than the worldly doctors here available.

The doctors do not understand me and the psychiatrists rather had misunderstood what I was going through, but Father, You know every hurt and every pain that I have gone through. You know me inside and out. Even without speaking, You know me more than I know of myself, oh Father.

#6 Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Hospitalization

admin — Thu, 05 Aug 2021 06:40:06 +0000

The longest stay I have been hospitalized was between May 19 to July 3, 2021 for 45 days, which is 1.5 month. The majority of the stay I was in the psychiatric ICU. Before the admission, I was sleeping for over 20 hours a day due to deep depression and I was not doing anything, therefore I was admitted to the hospital.

Thank you Lord Jesus that I am alive. Most of the time I was hospitalized was due to my suicidality. During that time I was hospitalized for that long, I have been missing home. The nurses had to shower me, due to being too unwell. I was under psychosis and not only major depression.

#5 Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Hospitalization

admin — Thu, 05 Aug 2021 06:27:34 +0000

Dearest Jesus, I have learnt to lift You up in my praises to You, amid so many hospitalizations that I have gone through. I have been hospitalized for seven times since 2017. I have not been able to start my masters, ever since 2016 I started to have flashbacks of my trauma history. I only have finished my bachelor degree.

I have been on disability ever since 2018 and it lasted for 4 years onwards and more. A lot of the times I was wondering what is the use of my life, being on full-time disability, but then Jesus had reminded me that I do have a purpose in Him and I am very thankful, because I am a no one in this world’s eyes, for no one really knows about me, as an invisible person.

#7 Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Survival

admin — Thu, 05 Aug 2021 06:08:52 +0000

Dearest Jesus, I have learnt to sing Your praises, despite I have been feeling suicidal for years. The pain in 2016 was already very great, the pain was more extreme in 2017 and it only got worse in 2018, 2019 and in 2020 it was a different level of pain and so as 2021 beyond extreme. Father, You know the pain that I have gone through.

I praise You Father for all the storms, trials and tribulations, for it is when it draws me closer to You during those years. I praise You Father for all the pain, which had drawn me ever closer to You. In the pain, I have learnt to sing to You, rejoice in You and rely in You, in my weaknesses, failures and disappointments, I then see You wide and clear.

#4 Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Hospitalization

admin — Thu, 05 Aug 2021 05:26:55 +0000

I have been hospitalized in February to March 2017, July 2019, December 2020 twice, January 2021 and May to July 2021. I was in hospital in 2017 due to suicidal ideation. I was hospitalized again in 2019 due to a suicide attempt. I then was admitted to the ICU thrice in December 15-24, 2020, January 3-12, 2021 and May 19 to July 3, 2021.

During the time when I was in the ICU, there were not much to do. It was more restrictive than the low dependency ward. I had nurses one on one ratio with me. I got to see a doctor every single day, when I was there. Thank you Lord Jesus that right now I am out of the hospital and feeling much better than before I was admitted to the hospital.

#6 Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Survival

admin — Thu, 05 Aug 2021 05:13:34 +0000

I could not speak much, because of my silent heart pain. I have been self-harming by cutting my wrists and thighs, but I have resisted it by throwing away all the sharps and since January, 2021 I had stopped doing it. I now am rather pulling out my head hair, eyebrows and eyelashes, but I am trying to resist it. Dearest Jesus, please help me to stay away from self-harming myself.

I am currently relying on medication, to stay less suicidal. I am on 10mg Escitalopram, 10mg Olanzapine and 0.5mg Lorazepam. Father, please help me not to feel suicidal. I have been diagnosed with major depression since 2017. Thank you Father for telling me that You will heal me at the time of my transformation. I continue in my hope.