Visualization

Flashbacks have been formally recognized as “dissociative”. Our dissociative visualization can be triggered. Once triggered, it re-enacts in a cycle of trauma representation.

Suddenly, there is a booming sound of trash cans in the distance; the traveling sound waves are entering through the first wall, where I immediately get triggered. I close my eyes and started seeing myself in a pool room, at the open balustrade area upstairs in this dreamlike state. In a split-second, I free-fall plummeting down to the pool of water, from the fourth level above. As soon as I hit ground level, a deep deafening sound reverberates throughout this space that is forty by sixty meters in size, like the noise of a million simultaneous car crashes. The weight of gravity pushes me further down, as I descend into the water in slow motion.

All I hear right now is dead silence in stark contrast. My face is toward the ceiling, but the lights are fading gradually the further I sink. I am then overcome of every fiber of my being in the most extremely profound way, maximal and off-the-scale. I am not yet formed, for I cannot recognise my substance, like others, developed fully as a human. The traumatic pain that I felt was a different level of pain; it was unspeakable pain that has been accumulated over a decade of chronic psychological trauma. Even my very cells have reacted to this by speaking to me instinctively, through the representation of this death cycle scene. Beyond my control, the drowning repeats again. Here it comes another booming sound. Yet another one and another one, so much that I have already lost my count. The moments that I took my last breath, fragments upon fragments of my soul is being split excessively, which the hundreds and thousands of remaining pieces have begun floating across the multiverse, because the body that my spirit dwells in can no longer hold its overloading capacity. The sense of poly-fragmentation is palpable; each blow of trauma has struck me like lighting, each blow of trauma has led me to projection and each blow of trauma has progressively restructured our inner system, breaking us into multiple parts.